recalibrating

Let me be honest: after the initial adreneline of arriving wore off, life here got tough. For a while I was beating myself up about that. I’ve lived in Africa before. I’ve worked demanding jobs before. What’s the big deal? Why should it feel more difficult this time?

Here’s why it’s more difficult. As a fellow Benin transplant wisely pointed out to me, I’ve never made so many changes simultaneously. Sure, I’ve changed jobs, but when I did that I had the stability of living in the same city and same apartment. Sure, I moved to new apartments, but I had the stability of having the same job in the same city. Sure, I traveled to Africa, but I had the stability of being comfortable in my role as a student.

Here, everything is new. The job is new. The coworkers and bosses are new. Being a boss myself is new. The city is new. The culture is new. The language is new. The house is new. Plus, being a parent is still pretty new too. And those are the big things. There are so many little ones, too. Like, where do you keep your cell phone and blackberry at the end of the day when your house is big enough that you won’t necessarily hear when they ring? Seriously, I can’t tell you how stressful it’s been to keep constant track of those things so as not to miss some crucial call.

I consider myself a fairly flexible person, but, like anyone, I get a sense of security from routines, and I’m having to recalibrate all of mine all at once. It’s tiring. And hard.

But one thing that’s made it a bit easier is hearing that what I’m experiencing is normal. In addition to that very helpful conversation, I reached out to some of my A-100 colleages who’ve spent more time at post than I have. I asked if they felt similarly overwhelmed in the beginning. The responses I got went along these lines: “You’re worried because it’s hard three weeks in? Ha! That’s funny. Listen, it takes at least three months to even start to feel settled, and a full six months before you kind of know what you’re doing.”

I also found myself thinking back to this handy diagram that’s been circulating the Foreign Service blogosphere for a while:

I think I’m probably on the upward swing to adaptation. Still, I would like to add a little footnote to this graph for those of us in the malaria belt. If the low period is especially low (and accompanied by sleeplessness, anxiety, etc.) then it might not just be the usual hiccups; it might also be partly chemical.

I started out on Mefloquine (aka larium) because it’s the only type of malaria meds State will pay for; however, it’s also known to make some people all kinds of crazy. Thankfully someone gave me the wise idea of switching to another. I did, and felt leaps and bounds better almost immediately. (We’ll see how I feel when I see my next bank statement, though. Yikes — that stuff is pricey.)

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home sweet home

No one quite knew what to make of the fact that we were moving to Benin. One of the most common questions we fielded was, “Where will you… live?” (Imagine this said through a worried scowl.)

“No, we won’t live in a hut, and yes, we’ll have running water and electricity,” we always explained.

Finally, we have pictures to prove it! Here’s an introductory tour of our (not so humble) abode.

First, the neighborhood. This isn’t actually our street, although it’s identical to our street.

It’s ironic that as much as I hate subdivisions and their cookie cutter houses in the U.S., I wind up living in what must be the only one in Benin. Somehow, it doesn’t bother me here.

Inside a wall there’s a big front yard and a small backyard. It’s all Abbey’s territory, and she lets every guard or maintenance person who enters know that.

Now, let’s go inside. There are two living rooms downstairs. Here’s a view into the first.

And here it is again.

The couches are surprisingly okay by Foreign Service standards. (Sadly, government issued furniture is awful.)

We’ll probably end up spending more time in the second living room, since it’s where Andy’s giant new TV will be.

Behind where I’m standing to take this picture is a space that will work nicely as a play area for Flynn.

Also downstairs? The kitchen. It’s a little drab, but at least it’s big.

No, your eyes aren’t deceiving you. No dishwashers in Africa. Darn. We do have a fridge and giant freezer that are out of frame, as well as a distiller that gives us clean water.

I’ll skip over the dining room and downstairs bedroom and bathroom. Nothing too exciting to see there. You don’t need to see the laundry room or the foyer either. But here’s one more downstairs shot. It’s the half-bathroom for visitors.

Modern, huh? It’s a design I might even have picked for myself!

Okay, now let’s move upstairs…

There’s a pretty big landing at the top of the stairs that we have no idea what we’ll do with. Without all those boxes it looks very, very empty. But that’s not the point of the picture. I wanted to show you these ceilings which are in most of the rooms upstairs. I really like them.

Now, moving along to what will be Flynn’s room…

We picked it because it’s the smallest bedroom, so it feels quaint like I think a nursery should. We also realized later that it’s the only bedroom in the house with an ocean view. Lucky guy.

And this will be Flynn’s bathroom. (Yep, there’s a tub in there too.)

Again, unexpectedly modern and well designed.

And now we move on to the guest bedroom. Pardon all the boxes, but hopefully you can still see enough to realize that it’s huge. And the attached bathroom is huge too. See, all the more reason to come visit!

The coolest thing upstairs is the master suite. It’s not just a bedroom. There’s also this huge bathroom:

That picture doesn’t even capture its true size. It’s honestly bigger than our living room in Brooklyn was. Admittedly our living room was very small, but still. There’s also this strange space-age shower that sprays you in all directions like a car wash.

But that’s not all there is to the master suite. There’s also another room that we plan to use as an office and living room. And from that room you can access a big balcony from which you can see and hear the ocean.

And that concludes our tour.

We’re happy with the house. We like it pretty well as is, and once we’re able to add some personal touches we think it’ll be really great. More pictures to come when things are set up, I promise.

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life’s a beach

Well, okay, not exactly a beach. But things are going pretty well.

Thanks to the hospitality of the embassy crew, we were able to introduce Flynn to the beach, join the weekly ex-pat happy hour at a local restaurant, make a few grocery store runs, attend a dinner party and visit the infamous beachfront beer garden. In our spare moments we also managed to unpack and put away all of our UAB and the half of our HHE that arrived.

That was all last weekend.

This weekend? Well, we slept. We watched TV. And we made one sole trip outside of the house to get some food.

I guess the adrenaline finally ran out.

This coming week should be a busy one, as I have my first full week of work. Working three days last week was tiring enough, so I’m a bit nervous about how a full week will go. Andy starts work this week too. And we also hope to find a cook/housekeeper. Flynn’s nanny has been doing some of that for us, but since we’re not comfortable with her taking Flynn along shopping (as he’d have to ride on the back of a moto), we’ve decided to hire someone else too. Yes, we went from swearing we’d never hire household help to employing a full-time staff of two. Such is the life of tired new parents. Plus, we like to think that we’re creating jobs that otherwise wouldn’t have been there. And that we’ll be good and fair employers. (Can you tell I’m still trying to justify this to myself?)

We’re still anxious to get a better Internet connection and also for our car and the rest of our things to arrive, but considering we’ve been here barely a week, I think things are going pretty well.

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how my french has already gotten worse

When I thought about spending two years in a Francophone country, I figured my French would get better. How could it not? After all, I’d be surrounded by French all day long.

Then I began to hear that this was not always the case. Too often, students fresh out of six months of FSI language training would go to post and find that nearly everyone in the embassy spoke English. If they didn’t have to work with many people outside the embassy, their skills would actually diminish. It made sense, of course, but I was determined that this would not happen to me.

In the past week, however, I’ve discovered a second problem with maintaining my French skills – the more I speak, the worse I get. Let me explain. When I was in class at FSI, the most important thing was to speak correctly. The second most important thing was to communicate my point. That meant that if we were discussing an environmental conference or an African election, it was better not to make grammatical mistakes than to communicate a nuanced point. Now it was still important to convey the general idea I wanted to get across, but beyond that, it was all about the grammar.

Now that we’re here, the opposite is true. When I’m speaking with Flynn’s nanny about how much to feed him or how he likes his bath or what to do when he’s spitting up, I quickly stop caring at all about grammar and only care that I communicate my point. Conjugation? No time for that. Vocabulary? Hand gestures work just as well. Past tense? She’ll get the idea.

So I’m hoping that my sloppy French speaking doesn’t stick with me and I don’t return to FSI in two years only to find I’ve gotten worse. I understand there are some classes at the embassy that can help me improve and I want to take advantage of them once I start working.

In the meantime, I’m going to continue to believe that the French word for “ironing” is actually just a hand gesture, that pronouns don’t really exist and that everything that has ever happened is continuing to happen at the present time.

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in benin

Monday evening my cell phone rang.

My boss: Hi there. How are you settling in?

Me: Very well, thanks! Everyone’s been really great about showing us around town. We visited the beach, went to a few grocery stores and went out to dinner. And we’ve made a good dent on our unpacking too.

My boss: And you’ll get to do even more unpacking tomorrow!

Me: Wait, what? Am I mixed up about what day it is? Today is Monday, right? Benin’s Independence Day? And I go back to work tomorrow?

My boss: Well, yes, that was the original plan, but the government decided to declare tomorrow a holiday too, so we all have another day off.

* * *

A half day of work on Friday followed by a four-day weekend? I could get used to life here (although I’m sure this weekend is spoiling me for the future).

So… yes, we all survived the long journey to Cotonou and are settling in well. The short version of the story: Our house is amazing, people are super friendly and helpful, and the city is nicer and more developed than we expected. More details later when our Internet situation isn’t so dicey.

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hello and goodbye, dc

We’re back, but not for long.

We rolled in last night, and Andy went off to to collect our stuff from storage. Today we finished packing up our suitcases and handed off our car to the company that’ll be shipping it. Now, since we’re carless, we’re stranded at our airport hotel for about 24 hours. It’s pretty depressing that our last meal in America for a while will likely be the skeevy diner across the street. But at least, having nothing better to do, we can get our fill of low-brow TV without guilt.

(Sleeping and eating one’s own fist took precedence over packing for these two.)

In honor of our final day in the DC area, here are a few of the things we’ve liked most about living here for the past 16 months:

  • Shirlington dog park – We have to credit retired blogger David for introducing us to this amazing place. Rather than a fenced in square like most dog parks, it’s a long narrow path through a lovely tree-filled area, so you can actually take a walk with your dog. Plus, during the summer months your dog can take a dip in the creek.
  • Clothing swaps – New clothes for free? Sold!
  • Beagle meetups – There’s no such thing as too many beagles.
  • Cafe Asia – Good food for good prices and conveniently located just across the street from Oakwood Rosslyn. While we can’t in good conscience say this is the best restaurant ever, we are fairly certain we went there more than any other restaurant in the DC area, so that says something.
  • Volt – The best restaurant ever award goes to Volt. Okay, it’s not actually in DC. It’s about a 45-minute drive away. But it’s worth it.
  • The C&O canal – Andy ran and biked the canal north in preparation for the 2010 NYC Triathlon. Alex preferred the scenic walking path stretch that runs through Georgetown.
  • Gravelly Point Park – Airplanes overhead!
  • Jack’s Boathouse – Kayaking, conveniently located in Georgetown.

So long, DC!

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two crises averted (& other updates)

Crisis #1 — The USDA-approved vet who we needed to fill out a form (which then needed to be driven an hour and a half to a USDA office to get stamped) didn’t have a clue what was going on and didn’t want to fill it out. Luckily Andy told him what was what and finally — after an hour of bickering — got what we needed. Phew. Abbey’s good to go.

Crisis #2 — A 101.7 fever earned Flynn a hospital visit Wednesday. Diagnosis: virus and minor ear infection. Wait, what? An ear infection? How’s that going to work with 14 hours of flying? “It’s not,” said the doctor. Just our luck. At first we thought I’d still go to Benin as planned and Andy would stay behind with Flynn, which would be annoying but doable. Well, apparently that wouldn’t work: new babies must travel to post with their mothers, said the Med unit. So I’d have to not only delay my start date and re-do a bunch of administrative stuff (including the whole USDA bit with Abbey), but also forgo the student loan repayment benefit for the year, because I’d arrive at post too late. Super annoying. But thankfully a follow-up visit Friday showed zero signs of ear infection. Phew. Flynn’s good to go too.

What else is going on?

Well, the big news is we’ve seen pictures of our future home! Because I’m not sure about the security rules for posting house photos online, you’re going to have to wait until we get there to see for yourself. But it has four bedrooms, five bathrooms and a big courtyard. We’re fairly sure all our former apartments could fit into this one single house, so we can’t complain. (Except about the horrendous Drexel Heritage furniture. Seriously, someone needs work on a new government contract.)  We’re especially excited about the huge upstairs balcony and the location near both the big grocery store and the big swimming pool where all the ex-pats hang out.

Also, because we’re heading overseas Andy called to officially defer his spot on the Management Register. He learned that he’s currently #2 out of 110, which is a) amazingly impressive in my humble albeit biased opinion and b) a great sign for the future, meaning that as long as State doesn’t freeze hiring completely (which is unlikely) he should have zero problem getting an A-100 invite when we’re ready.

Things are coming together. After a few more hard goodbyes we’ll be back in DC to ship off our car, collect some things from storage and somehow squeeze both that and all the awesome presents Flynn received into our six allotted suitcases.

Five days to go!

Posted in Benin, FS Life | 4 Comments

in one week…

…we’ll be on our way to Benin!

It’s about time, huh? After all, it’s been almost a year and a half since I joined the Foreign Service. A good number of my A-100 classmates know their second assignment. Actually, some of them have started their second assignment.

But I have a very good (and cute) reason for being behind schedule:

It’s still so weird for me to think that this strange and exciting lifestyle I’ve chosen isn’t going to seem all that strange and exciting to Flynn. It will be his normal.

He’s certainly off to a good start with this nomadic thing. In his short 10-week life he’s already spent the night in seven different places in five different states. He’s slept in various pack ‘n’ plays and bouncers and swings, not to mention in the arms of dozens of friends and family members.

Two years in one place? At this rate, that might seem like an eternity.

    Posted in Baby, Benin, FS Life | Tagged , , , | 6 Comments