the terrible twos

by Alex Posted on July 12, 2011

Today Flynn turns two! Okay, okay — two months, not two years, and he’s really not terrible at all. But it does feels more like two years than two months; it’s hard to remember life before the little guy. It’s probably good we don’t dwell too much about life before Flynn, though, because we’ve already broken a fair number of our parenting resolutions.

  • Pre-baby promise #1: He will always be dressed in cute clothes.
  • Reality: Eh, he’s just going to get it dirty soon anyway; sometimes a diaper is good enough.

Just chilling in my duck.

  • Pre-baby promise #2: We will continue our lifestyle of minimalism.
  • Reality: That toy makes him bust out the slightest smile? Buy 10 of them!

Imagine how much more fun this will be when my feet touch the ground!

  • Pre-baby promise #3: Early on we’ll start him on a strict sleep schedule.
  • Reality: We’re grateful for any sleep he decides to bestow upon us, whenever and wherever it should come.

Yes, I sleep on patio tables. What’s it to you?

  • Pre-baby promise #4: We won’t let Flynn take too much attention away from Abbey.
  • Reality: Whoops — totally forgot about Abbey for this year’s family picture. Sorry girl. Maybe next time.

The one picture in which Flynn isn’t crying or sleeping.

  • Pre-baby promise #5: We won’t burden Flynn with unrealistic goals and expectations.
  • Reality: Based on his early interest in standing, we’ve decided he should be walking any day now.

    Thanks for the help Mom, but I’ve got this.

Posted in Abbey Q. Howley, Baby, Personal | Tagged , , , , | 9 Comments

updates

by Andy Posted on July 6, 2011

When we last posted, we were buried under a mountain of boxes waiting for the movers to show up to complete our pack out. Since then, we’ve made a little more progress on our move:

  • Our pack out was a success, we think. We used all 600 lbs of our UAB (unaccompanied air baggage) and were again surprised by how long it took movers to pack and load our small apartment. The benefit of packing out so long before our departure is that we won’t have to wait forever for our stuff once we’re at post. We’ve been told that our UAB should actually be in Cotonou by the time we arrive and the rest of our things should be there just a couple weeks later.
  • We received Flynn’s diplomatic passport and applied for our visas. When we called to check on the status, almost two weeks after we were told the visas would be ready, we were finally informed that our visas were completed. In fact, they had been delivered to my parents’ house via Fed Ex this morning. We were so glad they were finally done that we didn’t even remind the processing office that they swore up and down they would call us as soon as our visas were shipped out. Now that we have our passports back, we can finish filling out the paperwork to have our car shipped on July 26.
  • After much debate, we’ve decided not to use a pet expeditor to help send Abbey to Benin. Actually, it wasn’t so much a debate as the fact that the expeditor we were working with suddenly became very difficult and eventually stopped calling me back. So now we are doing it ourselves and will save a lot of money in the process. Abbey has received her shots and microchip. Next she has to go to the vet to get some paperwork filled out. Then the paperwork has to be stamped by someone at the USDA office. We are flying Air France and her reservation is booked. They’ve confirmed there won’t be a problem sending her even if it is hot out.
  • This means that our flights are booked too. We will be flying from DC to Paris where we will have a six hour layover. Then it will be on to Cotonou. Alex will have to start working the very next day. Fortunately, though, it’s a half day at the embassy followed by a three day weekend.
  • Speaking of jobs, my job in Benin is official – I’ve filled out a W2 and everything. The tentative plan is for me to start working two weeks after we get to Cotonou. We have a nanny lined up for Flynn, but I’m taking some time to make sure he gets settled in before I start my job. In case things don’t work out and we need a little more time, I’ve been given some flexibility in the start date.
  • And finally, we are currently enjoying several weeks with family and friends in the Midwest. Flynn is getting to spend some extra time with grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles. He’s having a lot of fun, but he seems a little tuckered out from the experience.
I'm saving all my screaming for the airplane.

That is all the news from us. We’re really enjoying the time we get to spend with our families before we go, and it finally feels like this trip to Cotonou might actually happen. Our next step? Trying to remember how to speak French.

Posted in FS Life | Tagged , , , , | 6 Comments

travel orders has travel orders

by Alex Posted on June 15, 2011

Last week we had the pleasure of having dinner with five other people who will be joining us in Benin — a few we’d met before, and a few we hadn’t. “We’ll see you… well, in Cotonou!” I found myself saying as we exchanged goodbyes. Yep, the next time we see them will be in Africa. Because we’re actually going there. Finally. And pretty soon!

One sign that our departure is imminent: we have our travel orders!

What are travel orders, you ask? Besides being the name of a totally awesome blog, travel orders are what authorize an FSO to start spending the government’s money in the moving process — buying plane tickets, contracting a moving company to come get all your stuff, etc. We were very worried about not getting mine in time for our scheduled pack-out, because this would mean we’d have to stay in DC longer than planned and cut our time with family in the Midwest even shorter than it already is.

Amazingly, though, it only took a day and a half after we turned in Flynn’s medical exam paperwork for him to get his medical clearance, my travel technician to draft my travel orders and the budget office to approve and officially issue them. Yes, a day and a half. You FSO folks can understand how incredible this is. For you non-FSO folks: it’s very common for travel orders to take an inappropriately long time to come together, and we were told that during the busy summer transfer season things might go even more slowly.

Fearing the worst, I tried the “please take pity on me because I’m a new mother” approach and called to explain my situation to everyone involved in the process. Whether they felt bad about potentially denying grandparents any of the precious little time they would have with a grandbaby, or whether it was just dumb luck, I’ll never know. But I’m grateful.

There’s still a lot we need to do, but none of it is as time sensitive as getting the travel orders.

This moving business is tiring.

Yes, we still need Flynn’s diplomatic passport, but if that comes in after we leave DC it can be mailed to us. Yes, we still need to apply for visas as soon as we get Flynn’s dip passport, and yes it would be easier to get them while we’re still here, but it’s possible to apply by mail if necessary. We still need to buy some work clothes and some suitcases. We still have some hurdles to jump through for Abbey, but at least we finally know how she’s getting to Benin — and it will be a little easier and a lot cheaper than we thought. (I’ll let Andy tell you more about that later.) We still have to sort all our stuff and go through the pack-out process, but we have most of what we think we’ll need, as evidenced by the piles of Target bags and Amazon boxes stashed under tables and in spare corners.

So… this thing is finally happening.

For those of you in Dayton, Champaign or St. Louis — we’ll see you soon! Then we’ll be back in DC for a few days to tie up some loose ends before flying out on July 27.

Posted in Benin, FS Life, Transportation | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

regular people clothes

by Alex Posted on June 11, 2011

Let me tell you, judging by the complicated lists and Excel sheets that Andy’s using to guide our transfer process, he’s going to make quite the management officer one of these days. But what have I, his much less detail-oriented wife, been up to all this time (besides of course attending to the taskings he assigns me each day)? Why, shopping of course. Yes, I’m a stereotype. Please forgive me; it’s been a long time coming.

It’s possible there are cute maternity clothes somewhere out there in the world, but I never managed to find any. And so out for walks around the neighborhood in the last few months of my pregnancy, I would pass gaggles of Georgetown girls in their springtime dresses and would always grumble to Andy, “Ugh, I’m so jealous. I cannot WAIT until I can wear normal stuff again.” And then, “Oh, that’s a cute dress! Help me remember to look for that one.”

Of course, being 29 and having a modicum of modesty, none of those girls’ dresses were really viable options for me. When exactly it became acceptable to produce a dress that falls a full foot above the knee is an important topic that needs to be discussed, but we’ll save that for another day.

Now that Flynn is here and I’m back to looking like a regular person, I can finally buy some new clothes. And so I have been. A lot. After all, an H&M just a footbridge and an alley away is not a luxury one takes for granted.

Nevermind that last year’s clothes are perfectly fine. Nevermind that I have no idea what I’ll really want or need to wear when we get to Benin. Truth be told, it’s not just about the clothes. When you’re living with a miniature human, especially one who doesn’t like to sleep at night but does like to throw up on you several times a day, sometimes you need an excuse to get out of the house for a bit. (Same goes for living with a husband who’s worrying himself sick that he’ll miss some crucial detail and as a result his dog will be torn out of his arms at Charles de Gaulle and sacrificed to the gods of improper pet import documentation. Or something.)

Posted in Baby, Benin, Life in DC | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

making progress (slowly)

by Andy Posted on June 9, 2011

A couple weeks ago I wrote about all the things we have to do before moving. Well, I’m here to report we’ve made some (frustratingly slow) progress:

  • We got Flynn’s birth certificate which allowed us to apply for Flynn’s diplomatic passport. This in turn will let us apply for our visas. We hope to have the passport in a week. (A note for anyone in Virginia who needs a birth certificate quickly – just drive to Richmond and pick it up. We made the mistake of ordering an expedited certificate through Vitalchek as recommended by the hospital and it took over two weeks to get it and cost about four times as much. At one point our order was “in processing” for a week so I ended up going to Richmond anyway.)
  • Our pack out is now tentatively scheduled for June 22. But first we need our revised travel orders that include Flynn. Getting these orders, of course, depends on Flynn’s medical clearance coming through. He seems like a healthy (if spit up-prone) baby to us, but our pediatrician has to fill out some forms and they have to be approved by the medical office. This is supposed to be a relatively quick process, but we’ve already been warned to expect delays due to the volume of medical clearances needed this time of year.
  • Alex and I received our vaccinations on Monday. Aside from some sore arms, we are in good shape. Plus we’ll be better able to sympathize with Flynn when he gets his routine vaccinations next week.
  • We think we have our nanny situation sorted out in Benin. At the very least we’ve decided on the person we want to hire initially. If it doesn’t work out, we can always make a change, but she comes highly recommended. Having something in place when we get there will be a relief.
  • Our consumable shopping is going well. We have large piles of diapers, wipes and paper towels in our guest room, plus more shampoo and bug spray that I’d ever thought I’d buy. A few more trips to Target, Autozone and Amazon.com and we should be all set.
  • We’re a little closer to figuring out how Abbey is getting to Benin. After initially thinking we’d use an expediter, now we’re leaning towards doing this ourselves. We were told we were flying on Delta which has pretty tight restrictions on transporting pets during the summer. It turns out, though, that the flights are operated by Air France, who is much more lenient. Now we just have to sort out all the entry requirements for France and Benin. The problem is that no matter who we ask, we get a different answer. France needs Abbey’s rabies vaccination at least 30 days before arrival, but apparently Benin needs it within 14 days of arrival. Do we get her two vaccinations to satisfy these contradictory requirements? Also, we need to have our health certificate signed by the USDA 3 days, or 10 days, or 14 days before arrival in Benin, depending on who is providing us information. This is by far the most stressful thing at the moment, but I’ve sent out emails to several different sources and hope to have answers by the end of the week.

Sometimes it seems like we have so much to do and everything is so difficult that there is no way we’ll get it all done. We just have to stop and remind ourselves that many other people have navigated similar situations before. Even though having a dog and a newborn make moving to Africa more complicated, we’re not the first people to do this. We also have to focus on the important thing – getting everyone there safe and sound. If we didn’t buy enough paper towels to last two years, or if we forgot to pack chocolate chips in our consumable shipment, well, it isn’t the end of the world.

Posted in FS Life, Transportation | Tagged , , , , | 10 Comments

life after diplomacy

by Alex Posted on May 27, 2011

With Under Secretary McHale announcing she’ll be leaving State in June, and my A-100 colleagues discussing the logistics of resigning mid-tour, talk of quitting seems to be all around.

No, I’m not planning to quit. A year and a half in I still can’t imagine a better career for me. It’s also worth noting that the vast majority of my A-100 colleagues feel the same way. Not a single one of us has resigned so far, and I’d be surprised if anyone does soon. There are a lot of great things about this career, which is why the State Department is consistently ranked among the country’s top employers.

Nonetheless, these days I find myself thinking for the first time about life after the Foreign Service. Mostly because of Flynn. Sure, I’d heard the stories and read the articles (like this recent one) about the stresses of this lifestyle on family members. But fortunately Andy passed the Oral Assessment, solving the question of what he’d do in the long-term, and luckily he got a job at the Embassy in Benin, solving the question of what he’d do in the short-term. Now, though, there’s this other tiny person to worry about. For the time being all he needs to be happy is a pacifier or a bouncer, but I’m sure things will get dicier soon enough.

There are certainly some amazing advantages to an international upbringing, but there are sacrifices too. Already I’m worrying about how Flynn will adapt to a nomadic existence. Will he feel like he has a home? Will he consider himself an American? Mostly, though, I’m feeling guilty for moving him far from grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins — not just for their sake, but for his too.

The Foreign Service still excites and makes sense for us now, but for the first time I can imagine a future in which it doesn’t. I hope that isn’t ever the case, but it might be. And what if it is? What then?

Going places. But where?

Under Secretary McHale surely has a number of rewarding (and lucrative) private sector options. Many of my A-100 colleagues could return to former careers in law or finance. But what about those of us who don’t have another profession to fall back on (me), or who do but don’t want to return to it (Andy)? “Diplomat” isn’t a job title you find in the classifieds, so where do people like us go if one day down the road the Foreign Service life isn’t working out?

(That’s not a rhetorical question.)

Posted in Baby, FS Life | Tagged , , | 7 Comments

now what

by Andy Posted on May 23, 2011

Now that Flynn is here and we’re starting to settle in, there are a lot of logistics to take care of. Apparently one does not simply move to Africa without some degree of preparation. Our list of things to do includes:

  • Get Flynn’s birth certificate.
  • Add Flynn to the travel orders.
  • Apply for Flynn’s diplomatic passport (after we receive form DS-1640 of course).
  • Receive Flynn’s medical clearance.
  • Receive Alex’s new postpartum medical clearance.
  • Get visas for everyone.
  • Schedule our pack out.
  • Book our flights to Benin.
  • Get all sorts of vaccinations.
  • Buy our consumables.
  • Make a final decision on Abbey’s accommodations.
  • Figure out our nanny situation in Benin.
  • Fill out the paperwork for our per diem reimbursement.
  • Schedule some long-delayed dental and eye doctor appointments.
  • Buy a few last-minute things we want in Benin.
  • And, oh yeah, take care of a newborn.

Fortunately we had some time before Flynn arrived to get organized. Unfortunately, until he was here, there wasn’t much we could actually do except read the regulations and make a detailed timeline of everything that had to be done (yes, I brought these regulations and our timeline to the hospital so we could get a quick start on checking some things off our list).

So far, we’ve managed to make a small but promising dent in our mountain of things to do. The good thing about having a newborn is that suddenly 4am becomes a reasonable time to do some work. But I’d trade that extra work time for a few more hours of sleep any day.

Posted in Baby, FS Life | Tagged , , , , | 6 Comments