Andy

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Ch- ch- ch- changes

Andy and I have been driving one another increasingly nuts, so… we’ve decided to split up.

Did I get you?

No, not split up like that. Here’s what I mean: we’ve decided that being in the same French class is no longer benefitting either one of us (yes, in terms of learning French, we are driving one another nuts), so on Tuesday I’m moving to a different class. And because I’m moving out, some new people will be moving in, so Andy will have a different class dynamic too.

Patience, my friends

This should be the motto of the Foreign Service.

It seems we won’t have any information about what the tandem couplehood gods plan to bestow upon us for quite some time. My Career Development Officer wants to wait until Andy’s actually on the Register before we explore the possibilities. That could happen as soon as two months from now or as long as two years from now; you just never know for sure with security clearances. Mine took four months, so we’re banking on revisiting this topic in early January…

SOS!

Help! Somebody! Please! This is Abbey, by the way. First, a warning for all you diplo-pets out there: don’t believe it for a second when your owners tell you not to worry, that you’re not going to be boarded this time. (Boarding=jail, in case you haven’t learned that one yet.) Don’t believe it when they say that you’re just going on a little vacation and it’s actually going to be a ton of fun. Let me assure you, it’s not.

For reasons I simply cannot comprehend (wedding, airplane, out of town… I don’t know or care what any of that means), my owners have abandoned me in a house that, yes, is much bigger and nicer than my house. And yes, it has two very nice people who seem to like me a lot, inexplicably, since I am being a pretty big jerk to them. And yes, there is a deck and a yard. And lots of toys. But before you start thinking this place couldn’t possibly be so bad, let me cut to the chase.

I’m living with dogs! Two dogs. Beagles. Who bark. And want to play with me. And want to sniff me. And who can’t take a hint that I don’t like other dogs and just want to be left alone to sleep. And who also steal attention from those two very nice people, who I’d prefer to have all to myself.

Just because boy owner won some big test, he thinks he can do whatever he wants now, abandoning me like this. Well, I’ve got news for him: if I ever see him again, I’m chewing three socks as punishment. Maybe four. That’ll teach him.

But in the meantime, I’m serious: can someone come get me? Someone without any dogs? And no cats either. Please?!

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You may have noticed that it’s been a while since we last mentioned Andy’s quest to join the Foreign Service himself. That’s because he forbade me from doing so. Despite his success with the FSWE and QEP phases of the arduous application process, Andy was sure he wouldn’t pass the Oral Assessment. He didn’t want to have to admit to you when he failed, so he was hoping you’d just forget about the whole thing.

But guess what! My gag order has finally been lifted, because… Andy’s OA was today, and HE PASSED!

Not only did he pass, but he passed with a really really really good score! He did better than I did, in fact. But I’ll try not to hold that against him; after all, it was probably my brilliant coaching that gave him that extra .1 point. =)

The fact that he passed the exam, and with a score high enough to pretty much guarantee a job offer, is obviously a very good thing, but how exactly it will shape our future remains unclear.

Last we heard, there won’t be a job in Cotonou at the right time for Andy to start his FSO career there. So maybe he’ll wait a few years and try to join the Foreign Service in time for our second post. (For those thinking: “but he only has 18 months on the register!” Well, State gives spouses of FSOs two years of frozen time in addition to those 18 months.) Waiting would probably make the most sense for us personally, but we worry that State won’t be hiring as many new people in two years; maybe they won’t be hiring at all. So, another option: Andy could try to join asap and take a job somewhere not too far from Benin, like in Togo or Ghana. Living apart for two years is obviously not ideal, but if it’s the only way we can ensure Andy a spot in the Foreign Service, it might be worth it.

We’re hoping to have a better idea of logistics after meeting with my Career Development Officer, which we’ll try to do next week. For now, though, we’re just going to focus on Andy’s success.

So, off I go to Domino’s. I’ve been instructed to have a celebratory pizza awaiting his arrival home.

P.S. Did I mention, !!!!!!!!!! ?

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enough is enough

So after a hard day of French class and language lab, what do two French students do when they get home? Well, speak more French, of course.

It’s been a big advantage that both of us can speak to each other while we’re at home. It probably doubles the amount of time I spend actually speaking French each day. The drawback, though, is that sometimes enough is enough. My language consultant made it a point to tell me that one or two hours after class was sufficient. If I worked any harder, he said, my brain would explode. Ok, he used words like “inefficient” and “overuse” but you get the idea.

Alex didn’t.

And so we invented a game. It’s one in which we take a short break after class, then we only speak French for an hour. Then we take another break followed by our final hour of French for the day. Since she wasn’t sticking to the rules, I implemented a new one – every time she accidentally broke into French during our designated English time, we delayed French time by five minutes. On Friday I got out of a solid 15 minutes of French because she couldn’t stop herself from saying “merci” or “avez-vous les cles?” or “ou est Abbey?”

As tough as it is to come home and speak French, I’m glad we have the opportunity. It’s been invaluable. Of course the fact that sometimes we can’t help but to speak French is also a sign of just how intense this program can be, and how important taking a break can be.

After all, the last thing we want around here is for any brains to explode. I mean, to be inefficient with our studies.

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it must be nice

This is Nice, France. Looks pretty nice, no? Well, I certainly think so. In fact, it’s what’s been getting me through my long grammar-filled days lately.

Let me explain.

Some language departments at FSI arrange two-week immersion trips for their students. A bunch of my A-100 colleagues who are a few months into their Spanish training are actually off studying in Buenos Aires at this very moment. (Life is rough, eh?)

The French department doesn’t arrange any such trips, but they will allow me to go on one provided I work out the details myself. And pay for it. And convince them it’ll help me. (Read: Complete lots of paperwork. This is the government, after all.)

There are also some other bureaucratic… challenges. (Andy refers to these as bureaucratic nightmares, but I’m working on this whole diplomacy thing.)

Because my French has to be at a certain level before I apply, and because I must apply a certain amount of time before my trip, and because my trip must be a certain length, and because I must return to FSI for a certain amount of time before my final French exam, well, by my calculations, there’s a narrow window of somewhere in the vicinity of a few hours that I’ll actually be eligible to apply. Hmm. And that’s assuming I remain on track.

But no worries. I’m convinced to make it work.

I have to. I need something to look forward to. Focusing on French every day without an end in sight is tiring. Barring an emergency, I can’t take any vacation time during my training. And this immersion trip — because I would be learning and studying after all — wouldn’t count as a vacation. Not that it would be like a vacation. I would be in class as many hours as I would be at FSI. Maybe more. And then, of course, I’d have to use my French the rest of the day too.

It wouldn’t be easy, but it’d be a nice change of pace, and I really do think it would help.

If I am lucky enough to get to do an immersion trip, it doesn’t necessarily have to be in Nice, and maybe in the end it wouldn’t be. There are immersion programs pretty much everywhere French is spoken: Senegal, Morocco, Monaco, Guadeloupe, Belgium, Switzerland, elsewhere in France… But, thus far, price and reputation make the Nice program the front-runner. (And yes, I realize that late fall isn’t exactly perfect timing to visit the south of France, but you take what you can get.)

Andy plans to come too. So who wants Abbey for two weeks in early November? Don’t all volunteer at once.

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For the first two weeks of French, Andy and I were in different classes held at different times. Well, no more. Our two larger classes were rearranged at the beginning of this week into five smaller ones, and despite my pleas to the powers that be, we ended up in the same class. (Kidding. There were no pleas. No casual requests even.)

Truth be told, though, I was a little worried about how this all would go.  Would I get frustrated if Andy caught on more quickly than I did? Would we get sick of spending all day every day together? Would Abbey rip the carpet to shreds in retribution for being abandoned by both of us at once?

Much to my surprise, it’s actually turned out fine. In fact, I’d go as far as to say it’s turned out well. We’re pretty evenly stacked as French learners: I remember more vocabulary and grammar than Andy, but his pronunciation doesn’t draw our professor’s ire the way mine does. (Side note: I’ve made no progress in Operation Conquer the French R.)

I’ve even discovered some perks to sharing a class with Andy. Like, if I finish my Coke Zero, there’s another one there for me to steal.

As for Abbey, she’s been sleeping her way through our absence just like before.

So, all is well. Well, everything except the fact that we’re supposed to be speaking real French by the middle of December. (My end of training exam date is officially set for December 14.) I still don’t see how that’s going to happen…

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Much to my chagrin I found myself spending most of Saturday hunting for a 4×4 that we will eventually take to Benin. Here are some things that happened:

1. We arrived via our Zipcar at the first dealership — the one with our #1 choice car — to find a sign on the door that said, “Happy Fourth! I’ll be back Tuesday.”

2. On the road again, I had the following conversation with my wife:

Her: Why is the flag at Bob Evans at half mast?
Me: I’m not sure.
Her: Oh, is it because Jimmy Dean died? Jimmy Dean was the Bob Evans guy, right?
Me: Um, no. Bob Evans was the Bob Evans guy.

It was then that I realized this was going to be a long day.

3. We found a seemingly great car with good mileage and a low price. It was still under the original warranty too. But we had a bad feeling about it; we couldn’t figure out why.

When we asked the dealer if we could take it around the corner to get it checked by a mechanic, he stammered and made excuses. It was his busiest day. (We were the only customers the entire 30 minutes we were there.) The mechanic was probably booked. (He wasn’t; we called.)

When he finally reluctantly agreed, we asked to see the carfax report first. He disappeared into the back for quite some time before emerging with the report. Reading carefully, we noticed that it listed the car as black when it was actually silver. He couldn’t explain why.

We had driven nearly an hour to get there, but we walked out.

4. A few cars and a few hours later, we went back to look at the first car we saw that day and negotiated (diplomatically, of course) a deal. $2,400 down from the ask price — not to shabby, if I do say so myself.  However, when we were signing the paperwork I realized that instead of bringing our checkbook, I brought a book of deposit slips. Oops. Fortunately we were able to combine debit cards from our new and old bank accounts to take care of the bill. At least we’ll get rewards points for our trouble.

5. We got home in time to use our newfound mobility to take Abbey to a dog park with a creek (thanks David!) next to it. Abbey was less enthusiastic about it than we were. I’m sure she’ll have a blog post about it later.

6. Alex spent today using the car to run a variety of errands that she claims would have been nearly impossible on the bus. I’m not so sure Loehmann’s and Marshalls are exactly necessities, and I grimace thinking about all the miles she’ll be racking up “running errands” these next nine months. However, I plan to drive it to the running trail daily. Those miles don’t count.

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muffled messages

I just finished a one-week class called “the Fundamentals of Supervision,” and I’d like to share one piece of information gleaned from it:

  • When you speak, your words actually only convey 70% of your intended message.
  • The person listening to your message only processes 50% of it.
  • So if you express 70% and your listener captures 50%…
  • That’s right: only 35% of what you want to get across actually gets across.

I must admit that I’m always somewhat skeptical of models that generalize the behavior of all mankind. I mean, I have to believe that you and I communicate more effectively than, say, Miss Teen South Carolina.

Andy also took some issue with the model when I explained it to him, but for a different reason. He offered another version: “When you tell me what you want me to do, you express 25% of what you think you do. I in turn interpret 125% of what you say.  Pretty impressive, if I do say so myself. But this unfortunately still results in only 30% of your message coming through, despite my best efforts.”

Whatever the specific percentages, the main point is a good one: none of us are getting across nearly as much as we think we are. And imagine how much less we get across when communicating across languages and cultures.

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two down, one to go

Congrats to Andy for passing the QEP, step #2 of 3 in the Foreign Service application process! Next up: the Oral Assessment.

Tandem couplehood, here we come! (Fingers crossed...)

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good news!

Yesterday Andy found out that he passed the FSOT, the first step in becoming a Foreign Service Officer himself!

Now he has to submit five personal narrative essays. Then, likely in May, he’ll learn if he can take the Oral Asssessment, which would happen between July and October. Then he would have to get his medical and security clearances. Then he’d wait on the register until he was invited to A-100.

As you can see, we haven’t crossed the finish line of tandem couplehood just yet, but it’s a promising start!

Any advice from other tandem couples out there?

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When I tell people that Alex is joining the foreign service and that we will be moving abroad, the conversation usually goes like this:

Me:   Alex is joining the foreign service and we’ll be moving overseas.
Them:   Wow, how exciting. What does a foreign service officer do?
Me:   Work in embassies to help Americans abroad.
Them:   That’s great. But what are you going to do?

That’s where the conversation usually gets a little more complicated. The truth is, I really don’t know exactly what I will do. The life of a foreign service spouse can be an exciting one, but it also comes with its fair share of challenges. When moving to a new post, the officer is essentially transferring offices – continuing a career in a new location with American colleagues.

For the spouse, though, the change can sometimes be more difficult. The opportunities available at one post may be completely different than those available at the next. Not having a definitive position and role before arriving at post can lead to a great deal of stress and uncertainty.

And so the question remains.  What am I going to do?

Plan A is to apply to be a foreign service officer myself. I’m scheduled to take the written portion of the test on Monday. As Alex outlined previously, the hiring process is a long and exhaustive one, so even if I continue to pass each section, I won’t know if I will be hired as a foreign service officer for about a year. If I am hired, however, Alex and I would serve as a tandem couple, which comes with its own set of challenges. Finding tandem posts can be difficult and often one person will have to take a post that is not ideal so the other can thrive (and occasionally even take an unpaid leave so the couple can remain together). But even with these difficulties, this seems to be a good option. We would both have fulfilling careers with enough benefits to keep us very happy.

Plan B is wide open. It includes:

  • Finding a graduate degree program that will give me good odds of finding a good job in many parts of the world, or one I can do remotely.
  • Getting a teaching certificate and teaching in an American school overseas.
  • Developing another skill like web design, computer programing, photography or online media planning that I could do from anywhere in the world.
  • Figuring out some way to parlay my seven years of advertising experience into…anything really.
  • Picking up odd jobs in the embassy or around town.

Obviously some of these options are better than others. I’d ideally like to find some sort of career rather than a series of random jobs, but I’m trying to be as open as possible to what may come. If I had to take a  job filing paperwork at an embassy while playing computer games during my free time, I guess I could do that for a while.

The good thing is that the state department does recognize the difficulties that spouses face. Agreements have been made with many foreign countries that allow spouses to work legally abroad. There are often jobs that can be found in each embassy doing a wide variety of different things. There are people spouses can work with to find these opportunities.

So the question of what I am going to do won’t be answered definitively for a while. Right now I’m focusing on the foreign service test and then our move to DC. After that, Alex and I will get a bid list and eventually find out where we are heading. Then there might be language training. Then another pack out. There are a lot of exciting things coming up, and eventually I’ll figure out just what I’m going to do.

And if not, then expect a lot of long and needlessly detailed blog posts about my breakfast, our dog and what I watched on tv.

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