range of emotions

When my invitation to the January A-100 came almost two weeks ago, we had already begun mentally preparing ourselves for the March class. We looked on the bright side – I’d get to spend more time in Benin with Alex and Flynn. We told ourselves January wouldn’t be so great anyway – there was no guarantee that having those extra two months would help Alex and me get assigned together. But since I got the invitation in my email, I’ve gone through a range of emotions:

Surprise (I thought all the invitations had gone out!)

Excitement (I’m finally going to be a diplomat!)

Sadness (I have to leave Alex and Flynn.)

Guilt (Alex has to take care of Flynn without my help.)

Stress (So many forms, and so much to do before I leave. Plus I have to find an apartment!)

Relief (No more crazy roadblocks popping up to keep me from joining.)

Hope (This probably is the best way to get posted together.)

Worry (But there’s never a guarantee.)

Anticipation (Domino’s! Internet! Temperatures that change!)

As more and more things fall into place (like resigning myself to living in Oakwood, and informing HR of the date I’ll stop working in Cotonou), all of this is beginning to feel more real. There are moments when the excitement seems to trump everything. But then there are the moments when I look at Flynn and can’t imagine being away from that little guy for so long (I’ve already spent a lot of time figuring out which flights I can take to meet Alex and Flynn in Europe for a long weekend). Overall the good outweighs the bad, or we wouldn’t be doing this. We’re just hoping the good is good enough, and the bad doesn’t turn out to be as bad as it could be.

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