beautiful miracle or total pain?

I was reading an article a while back that described the motivations of surrogates. Apparently a lot of women step up not for the money or to help out someone else, but because even though their own family is complete, they just loved being pregnant so much that they want to experience it again.

Um, what? Who are these crazy people?

I don’t think anyone who knows me will be surprised that I’ve fallen more into the “when will this be over?” than the “what a beautiful miracle” camp. There are certainly cool moments, and I’m without a doubt excited about the end result. But still. I maintain that pregnancy itself is kind of awful. And that’s said from the second trimester, which is apparently as good as it gets.

My experience, roughly:

Month 1: Great! Couldn’t be better! (Admittedly I didn’t know yet that I was pregnant.)

Month 2: Cool, I’m pregnant! Wait, why am I throwing up every day? Why can’t I stomach anything but sorbet? Why am I constantly nauseous, even when I don’t eat? And what are all these horrible smells I’ve never noticed? This isn’t very fun.

Month 3: You mean I still have to feel like death? I’m not even far enough along to tell anyone yet, which means I don’t get pity from teachers or classmates or seats from strangers on the shuttle. What a raw deal.

Month 4: Aren’t I supposed to be feeling better by now? (I apologize if I ever didn’t take other people’s complaints about morning sickness seriously. It’s the worst.)

Month 5: Woohoo, I can eat again! But wait — now none of my clothes fit. And I really don’t look pregnant, just fat. Ugh.

Month 6: Kicks! That’s cool! Well, at first. But kicking and wiggling all day? When I’m trying to sit still and concentrate on learning stuff? Too bad I can’t send the kid to his room yet.

As my second trimester begins to wind down, I’m finally looking pregnant. See?

Well, honestly, it depends on the outfit. Some days I’m still in the “maybe she’s just fat” phase. But I’m definitely feeling bigger. Andy recently pointed out that I’ve started groaning and moaning like an old person whenever I stand up, or sit down, or really move in just about any way. I’m sure more of that awaits me in the months to come. But still, I’ll take the aches and pains over the nausea any day. I remember a few months ago, when I couldn’t imagine ever having any desire to eat again. I’m sooo glad to be out of that phase. In fact, the first thing I did when I started to feel better was to make a reservation at one of our favorite restaurants, Volt. We finally went today for brunch. Delicious.

Also, at least now we’re getting close enough that the countdown isn’t totally depressing. I can survive 15 more weeks of pregnancy. 15 weeks. That’s nothing. That’s far less time than it took us to learn French. That’s less than the length of a regular NFL season. (I’ll take Andy’s word on this one.) That’s… 105 days. Actually, that sounds like a few more than I’d like.

A week or two early sounds pretty good. 14 weeks? Maybe even 13? C’mon kid, cut me a break.

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6 Responses to beautiful miracle or total pain?

  1. Daniela says:

    Well, I think pregnancy is a beautiful thing but it looks a lot better on other women. My first pregnancy was very nice (no morning sickness!) and it seemed to go very fast because I was working full time. Frankly, I didn’t get a chance to enjoy it. The years between my first and second pregnancy, I found myself looking longingly at every pregnant woman I saw. I couldn’t wait to get pregnant again. When I finally did, I was sick as a dog the first trimester. Pregnancy didn’t seem that beautiful any more. Plus, I had decided to stay home, so I had all the time in the world to “enjoy” feeling pukey. The second and third trimester were/are better than the first but overall this pregnancy has been harder, so I too am looking forward to the baby’s arrival and the big belly being gone. I am guessing eventually pregnancy (other people’s) will look beautiful again but I can not imagine wanting to be a surrogate just so I can experience it again. I also don’t understand the women that go to the hospital and leave with a baby saying they had no idea they were pregnant. That’s just crazy!

  2. alex says:

    You’re so right! I watched a couple of those I-didn’t-know-I-was-pregnant-until-I-gave-birth shows. Either those women had a COMPLETELY different experience of pregnancy, or they were just totally blind. Probably the latter.

  3. Becky says:

    I think it just depends person to person. I had miserable pregnancies. Grateful for my kiddos but, yeah, never understood the “I love to be pregnant” people. I didn’t mind labor but pregnancy was not my friend. Hang in there! Can’t wait to hear about your little guy. (I am also amazed how much faster 9-10 months goes when it is someone else who is pregnant;)

  4. Anne says:

    you look just barely pregnant, and lovely =)

  5. Kristen says:

    This post had me laughing out loud! I love your month to month breakdown. I’m sure it’s not as funny to you since you’re living it, but from the other side of 2 pregnancies (with terrible morning sickness all the way through) this had me cracking up! And BTW, you look great, and definitely not fat at all!! 🙂

  6. Melissa says:

    I just discovered your blog today and think we’re due around the same time. Recently found out I’m on the PD register and taking my Arabic language test shortly to move up a bit. And searching for any info about FSI and childcare as this will be our second. Have you visited the daycare at FSI? Tried to send a friend last week but can’t since she doesn’t have clearance. This being my second child, I’m showing much more and putting a hold on until the baby is a few months old. But so curious about training, bid lists, and more.

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